The Abramoff Files, Cont'd

While everyone else had gone the Atkins route, it seems the portly lobbyist Jack Abramoff opted to march to a different dietary drummer. (See: "Reliable Source," second item.) The ethics-and-waistline-challenged insider told a reporter he restricted himself to nothing but sushi. And, lo, it worked. Apparently, the pounds melted away with every piece of sushi-grade nigiri he scarfed down. But, unfortunately, all that fish also gave him a whopping dose of mercury. Alarmed at finding high levels of the neurotoxin coursing through his bloodstream, doctors persuaded Abramoff to ease up on the ahi. Perhaps, when his legal travails are over, Abramoff will atone for his sins by lobbying for something worthwhile like, say, proper labeling on seafood and greater restrictions on mercury emissions from coal-fired power plants. Okay, it's not likely, but anything's possible.