Uncle Burt Good ol' Uncle Burt. When he's not being avuncular, he's being a royal pain in the butt. Burt's a good guy, there's just nothing he likes more than a sparring match. So you can rest assured he'll take a swing or two at your environmental sensibilities. Stay quick on your feet, though, and you can easily meet his every jab with a counterpunch or combination of your own. Who knows, by the time you head back to your corners, you may have set him straight on a thing or two.

Uncle Burt says: Bet you and your greenie friends are all high-fiving each other and doing bell-kicks in your Birkenstocks over Al Gore getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Damn sorry decision that was, I say. I didn't waste my time seeing his flashy Hollywood movie.

So you say:
Well if you had, Uncle Burt, any criticisms you have about global warming would carry a little more credibility. The facts presented by Gore speak for themselves, as do the graphs that were presented. It's clear that global warming is happening, and humans play a role in it. What are you afraid of? Why not see the movie? We can snag the DVD tomorrow.

Uncle Burt says: You've really bought into that alarmist claptrap, haven't you? We've had warm spells before. There was a time in the past thousand years when it was downright balmy in Northern Europe, crops were growing like gangbusters. You can't tell me this is something new. It's cyclical, like sunspots.

So you say:
Yeah, and the same bad source probably told you that the Arctic was warmer then than it was in the early part of last century. Scientists at the U.S. National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration dispute there was a warming trend of any worldwide significance back then. They also say the Arctic is warmer now than it was last century. You should see Al Gore's chart that maps global temperatures and the rise in CO2. It's alarming!

Uncle Burt says: Well hell, those thermometers are all wrong anyway. They're in the middle of cities where all that asphalt and reflection from glass heats everything up. You can't rely on that!

So you say:
What you're talking about is known as the "Urban Heat Island" effect. It's true, it exists, but scientists have studied it thoroughly and have found that is has very little effect, and they adjust their data to reflect what effect there is.

Uncle Burt says: Ah, more gobblydegook. How come if it's such a serious problem, India and China aren't doing more to stop it? Why should we shoulder the burden when they're out there spewing more carbon than the rest of us?

So you say:
Uncle Burt, your information is so wrong! The U.S. puts out more carbon emissions than they do, and if you figure it out per capita, we're over-spewing compared to them. It's unconscionable that we expect others to take action when we could do so much more -- and should. We're the 500-pound gorilla here.

Uncle Burt says: Well it's all just crying that the sky if falling, as far as I'm concerned. You can believe what you want to believe, but I'm with all those scientists who don't buy the global warming hoax. You granola-growers are all having the wool pulled over your eyes.

So you say:
Aw c'mon, Uncle Burt. Try to name a few of those scientists. You can't! As it happens, there are not only scientists but international leaders, corporate CEOs, even oil company executives, for goodness sake, who have gone on record with their position that global warming is real, and that we have to do something to stop it. I just hope you'll wake up and do your part.